so, this may be my first post ever without a picture - or at least in a long time. Right now I just want to purge my brain - which by the way is in severe overdrive. My house is somewhat clean. The presents are unwrapped - and were adored! We did our very best to include the reality of the day. However, I feel distressed and a bit sad. I am sad because of how relieved I am that this day is OVER! Why do we feel this way? Surely I can't be the only one?!?
I didn't feel the greatest today physically...but felt I was ready emotionally. Honestly, I knew I shouldve spent some time with the good Lord but it just all moved so quickly. One of the challenges of hosting the day. Emotions are a hard thing to control at times. These last two years have often been more than my fragile heart can handle. Honestly, I feel very weak and more than vulnerable. I often feel I have no control...which is true to an extent....I can only control me. And even though that sounds great....the reality is often hard. I want to fix. i want to help. I want to participate in the healing...but you can't force anyone to do anything they don't want to. And truth is, you can't keep them from doing things either. people move through life without asking your permission. They think of themselves. It is hurtful but what can you do.
You pray! You talk yourself off the ledge...daily....hourly....even more often when needed. You cry. At the most unexpected times. You try to put on a happy face - which probably doesn't fool anyone. You pray some more. and you must let go and whatever you do, you must hold only to the Lord's hand. I am pretty excited about a new year. The chance for the dust to settle. The older I get the more I know that nothing is the same forever - I have one really big wish for 2013 - for healing. Healing in all our hearts. Healing in our relationships. Healing so that we can all do what it is that we may be called to do which is LOVE. Love as Christ has loved us - unconditionally.
Wishing you and yours the very best of the rest of 2012 and a Healing Start to 2013.